Relationships are complicated as fuck! Actually, no. Scratch that. Human beings are complicated as fuck. We let simple things, like love, manipulate our brains, make our mouths spit out words that years later torment us, change us, split our psyche, divide us from others, shame us, bend us to our knees, expose our wounds, and yet, and YET, we yearn to do it over and over again.
I want to know why. Do you want to know why? And I guess the “how” is also important. How do we love? How does it change us? How do we change our loved ones? How does it fall apart? How do we stitch it back together? How do we love day to day? How do we love in the big ways?
I want to focus on romantic relationships. Marital relationships. Divorced relationships. Dating relationships (monogamy, polyamory). I will do interviews that you can listen to, and maybe write a few blogs on this topic (although I’m not a writer like my partner is, and I’ve never written blogs...yikes!). I will also, fearfully, post a few of my poems (I don't think they're very good, but these days I do more of what I'm afraid of).
My itch to dive into this topic probably has something to do with the last four years of my life (or maybe since adolescent years). I’ve been divorced now for over two years, dated, and now in a committed monogamous relationship. My divorce story is a unique one (like we still say “I love you” to each other with no romantic feelings attached to it. Weird, huh?). I’ll tell you about it one day (maybe both my ex-husband and I will do a podcast to share that story). I feel I’ve gone into my truth and found meaning in my experiences that opened a channel to beauty and love in ways I didn’t fully understand before.
Growing up in a South Asian family, romantic love was something that only existed in Bollywood movies. In reality, seeking love and happiness was seen as selfish. We always had to think of the collective good, what benefited the entire family line. I can understand why. When one grows up not knowing if there will be enough food for everyone, or enough money to send the kids to school, kinship with extended family members was the only survival skill that needed to be fostered and passed down. For some reason, falling in love and choosing your own path went against that survival mode. So arranged marriages happened. But all I saw (with my “selfish” eyes) was unhappiness, repressed desires, affairs, and people shaming each other for breaking away from status quo. I didn’t believe in love. I thought I would be arranged into a marriage of convenience, make some babies, and then die. But secretly, I hoped I would be proven wrong. I’ll write more about my journey on the next blog.
Now, at age 41, I believe in love. I believe after all the falls, what stitches all of us back together again are honesty with ourselves, kindness towards ourselves and others, sharing our vulnerabilities, courage to do what feels right, and strength to feel the sadness so we can feel real happiness.
Let’s find out together the transformative power of love through Caterpillar Goo.
My name is Flora Folgar. I am a mother of two (ages 8 and 13). I work in a high school serving a unique population of students from ages 17-50, who are transforming their lives and stopping the cycle of poverty in their family.